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It must go through our heads that hurting is inevitable. We still do it because at the end of the day, of course we want to be happy. But we also know that happiness is just an emotion which is just movement. All of them, especially the ones that we hated, are only here for us to grow from and eventually look back on and thank immensely. These are the times we find new hobbies, new jobs, new friends, new neighborhoods, new communities.These are the times that remind us that we are alive and we better start acting like it.And our relationships are one of those few places where we really discover our capacity to be human.Our relationships are where we express ourselves with more totality than how we express ourselves at our jobs, in public spaces, with new people, with old people who still seem strange and new, and in our communities.And so here we are: open, ready to share, but not necessarily ready to receive.If we are paying enough attention, we will understand that there is nothing wrong with this; this isn’t some indication that our relationship is failing, we are just experiencing an opportunity to grow both individually and as a partnership.I want to feel that my sharing is received delicately and handled lovingly, for when that happens, I feel as if I can share anything and I can become God at any time. This means that when I show up after a long day and I have weights on me from someplace and I’ve been mulling over some bullshit thing someone said to me earlier and I want to share this with my partner, sometimes he is not in a place to receive it.

If I am sharing with someone my secrets, my entire emotional landscape, my fears, my insecurities, my anxieties, my hopes, and my ambitions, I want to feel taken care of during that time.But on the nights that we aren’t paying enough attention, perhaps we will take this personally and feel like we haven’t been listened to or that we are locked out of sharing because the other person clearly can’t be here for this right now.Perhaps we will spend three hours like this—being vaguely mean to each other—and during these three hours we will both find ourselves feeling a little shitty. We will find ourselves hurt over and over again as we learn to share ourselves with each other.We don’t need to shift out of heartache; we just need to shift into different sweatpants. It must go through our heads that we could be doing the breakup thing two years from now with this person. We would rather be hurting as we learn to open ourselves up and break our walls down and conquer small territories, than to turn down this opportunity and feel none of it. Because when we are feeling something, we are learning about ourselves.Or maybe we stay together forever and we just go through all the intermittent relationship snafus, and we do that for the next sixty years (I don’t blame us for being freaked out by the prospect of this). And this is what our relationships are for: our growth. Because every time we breakup with someone, the entire direction of our life shifts.




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