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The first year and a half, even two years, after my loss I was often exhausted.

Part of it was bureaucracy and dealing with deferred maintenance, but part of it was having been through such a traumatic loss.

I needed companionship NOW, which meant I needed it too much. I dated a couple guys who wanted me to change to meet their needs. But one year into my loss, I worried, “What’s wrong with me? ”If someone doesn’t recognize your wonderfulness, that’s their problem.

But when you’re feeling super vulnerable, being rejected is devastating.

Having only the best intentions, George’s parents took me on a three week cruise of the Baltics four months after he died.

I sleepwalked through much of it, too tired to enjoy the fast-paced sightseeing and being out of my comfort zone.

You can see the impact of relationships that don’t work out. If they don’t think they’re going to find love, why pay for a losing proposition. We want to be independent people who meet at intervals to share experiences.

Several of the girls had recently broken up with their boyfriends. Only the ones who’d been married a long time were happy in their relationships. So says the CEO of e Harmony: “One of the things we’ve learned is that people in their 20s and 30s who have income are very happy to spend more in the search for a more enduring relationship…When you’re in the 40s and 50s that changes. They are interested in companionship but not marriage.” But, if you’re reading this blog, you probably already know that. e CEO adds that older singles are reluctant to pay the monthly fee to use e Harmony. They find some middle-aged men to be clingy, wanting to spend more than a couple nights a week together or expecting ultimately to live together.

Far better to spend your time with friends who will buoy you up as you figure out who you are in this new world.I hadn’t yet forgiven myself that he died on my watch. Until I resolved my own issues, I couldn’t be present for someone new because I was still living in the past.I got through the guilt with grief counseling and journaling, but I wasn’t ready to date until I’d put my ghosts to rest.Trying to date before I’d processed George’s death caused unnecessary turmoil both for me and the guys I was seeing.I started “beta-dating” a few months after my loss, thinking I’d start practicing.




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